29 November 2011

I Still Love You Piolo

Dear PJ,

Since everyone is coming out with their truth, I will offer mine. You made it late onto my crush radar. Actually, despite playing Jules in Dekada 70 and finding myself attracted to the character in your performance, I barely batted an eyelash for you there and even less so elsewhere. Marvin Agustin was the main crush of my late adolescence and twenties and I never understood why you had such a fan base. (I recall one discussion with my lola, one of your early and staunch fans, but I still couldn't understand.)

However, things started to change though when I saw Dreamboy. Then Sa Piling Mo and Walang Kapalit. There was something in the performance of betrayal, unrequited love and bucking social norms that seemed so real in your theatrical expression. I became captivated. Then, I lived through Lobo and the tragedy and pain of Noah Ortega of not being able to understand clearly friend from friend, light from light, true love from true love -- clouded by the betrayal of those closest to him.

I found the whole sex video scandal with that guy that looked like you to be funny. At first I was a little unsettled by the Lolit Solis fiasco. I thought your handlers were pushing the envelope too far. But then as it played out, it was a little bit funny and so I saw it as it was comedy. (However, I marginally remained concerned for the potential of leveraging too much risk and remaining unconscious of the part of you that no longer wishes to be bound to your tightly manicured persona.)

Then I happened upon a picture of you with Iñigo, your son -- long after it had been taken. Suddenly, these feelings of mine for you came into sharp focus. This photograph of you with Iñigo was not taken by your handlers at ABS-CBN but instead showed a side of you most of us never get to see. All was revealed. The painful truth that sits like the purloined letter in the minister's study was there with the deep and genuine love for your son.

Your appeal is in part because of the beauty and grace you put on such tremendous suffering over an incredible inner conflict. Perhaps now is the time to transcend the inner conflict and emerge as a new consciousness that is able to integrate the two seemingly opposing points of view. Or perhaps, it is not the time and a shadowy figure like a flash of light will enter the room, take the lamp, throw it into the river and jump off the azotea into the darkness. What will be your real legacy to Iñigo?

Whatever you decide, I will support it. Because, I understand you, PJ.


  1. Marvin Agustin FTW. But yes, I have that same photo on my hard drive. You must admit: looking at it is highly therapeutic. It's hard not to smile back at that. :)

    Your appeal is in part because of the beauty and grace you put on such tremendous suffering over an incredible inner conflict.

    Honestly, I never saw it that way. After you mentioned it though, I felt quite guilty and enlightened. I don't really blame celebrities for not 'coming out', whatever that means, but I'm not like supportive of it either. Often, I'm just disinterested.

    But a parent's love makes so much sense, puts a completely humane angle on something so... showbiz. If I were him, I'd rather take the blow too. No pun intended.

  2. there is definitely a market mechanism at work with the counter pressure against coming out as a celebrity, there will always be some echoserang badessa who will gladly sell themself out to be the closeted celebrity. sometimes understood as the "race to the bottom"...

  3. i can feel the conflict that he is going through. i sometimes think that he just want's to come out ... be himself ... and be truly happy.

    but there's just too much to lose if he does it.

    i agree with Manech. the first thing that i saw here was his photo and i didn't notice that i was actually smiling ... and admired that beautiful face.

    all i can say is ... just don't have a girlfriend if he really doesn't have any plans of coming out. just be the most eligible bachelor(?) in town.

  4. Glad to see someone understands him. For the life of me, I just don't get it. If he is, I don't think our culture is that closed minded.

  5. i know the dominant strand has been that its greed or this or that that has motivated or animated him to his present position. however, i suggest that it was am immature (and distorted) sense of needing to feel loved through social acceptance of his persona (coupled with his parental-familial imperatives) that drove him to where he is today. and as we know, there is no security or feeling of well-being when people are in love with your mask and not you. and contrary to the many, it is very difficult to stop a jet once it is in the air flying at full speed. issues of rejection, guilt, shame, betrayal, etc., all come into stunning relief, here. however, i think his unconscious has been prodding him for some time. the question is, is whether this is really it or not. as enya points out, who knows? only time.