It was late at night. Just as soon as I got in and sat down, my mind began to wind itself up. It must have been well over an hour that he and I were driving on that desolate provincial road. I lost track of time. He didn't say a word while he drove. It was only as we got closer to the end of the roadthat I realized that the radio had also been silent the whole time.
The car passed the seemingly abandoned AFP guard post on the right where another dark road winds its way up the side of a cliff to a radar station. The car entered the provincial beach recreational area and he drove all the way to the end. Unusual. There were no other cars parked on the side of the road at that place. He turned the car around and pulled off on the beach side of the road.
He remained looking forward. He was tense. After what seemed like forever, he broke the silence.
“Look.” he said. I held my breath.
“I have a girlfriend now. It's what my family wants.” he said.
“I.....I.....” I stuttered.
“It will never work.” he interrupted me while maintaining his forward stare.
“Do you love her?” I asked. There was a long, long pause.
“It doesn't matter.” he said breaking the silence.
“Do you love her?” I asked again. There was an ever longer pause. I noticed for the first time that the windows had fogged up and I could no longer see the dark ocean out my window.
“But it could never work.”
“Do you love me?” I asked. There was a long pause. He slid his hand over my hand which was resting on my leg. The palm was warm and moist. He was still looking forward. He then turned to face me and a tear ran down his cheek. He quickly closed his eyes as tears began to stream down his cheeks.
He then leaned toward me and put his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me awkwardly. He began weeping uncontrollably. I wasn't sure whether I should try to wrap my arms around him too. But I did.
“I.... I don't..... mean to hurt you.” he sobbed. I started to tear up a little.
He began to kiss my neck. I tried to push him away – at least mentally. He suddenly swung over the gearshift and center console and now straddled me as he kissed my neck. His hands caressing under my shirt. It felt so nice but I wondered if we should be doing this.
As I got the courage to open my mouth a little to express my doubts, he blocked me with his mouth. We began to passionately kiss. And we did this as we caressed each other for a long, long time. We rubbed against each other a little now and then and we were both clearly aroused. But we just kissed and cuddled in the passenger side seat.
After a few hours of kissing and touching, you finally collapsed on me. And the gentle rhythm of your breathing lulled me to sleep under your weight. A delicate dance, a delicate embrace, a requiem for the past that is our present – forgetting the weight and pain of this refrain once more. The mainspring is unwound and I all alone beweep my outcast state.
And then you said, “I love you.”