02 February 2015

Postmodern Jukebox, A Challenge

They also told me that party girls don't get hurt. That they can't feel anything, but when will I learn? I just have to push it down.

And so this is my story. I'm the one who wrote "for a good time call" on the inside of the bathroom stall. And since then, my phone's been blowin' up. College boys, married men, office workers, even the janitor. They're ringin' my doorbell and I feel the love.

But back to my story. It turned out that he lived close by. So we agreed to meet at the local videoke. I had never been there. It was bigger than it looked from the outside. They also sold hard liquor in addition to Red Horse Beer. He was so handsome which surprised me too.  We made small talk until eventually it turned into "1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink" "1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 drink." I kept throwing them back until I lost count.

He talked so sweet. We took a tricycle to the local motel. And I felt that I was gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier, in that super deluxe four hour room. As soon as the door closed, he roughly began to take off my clothes as I helped him with his. I just thought "I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist, like it doesn't exist."

And after three and half hours, we had finished but then the phone rang. The motel wanted to know if we were going to extend. He said no. We took a shower together where he kept kissing me gently. We got dressed and left. We took a tricycle to my house where he dropped me and left. I just felt like I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night.

This went on for nine months. Two, three, sometimes four times during the week. It was so wonderful. So great. My loneliness had found its cure. I gave up the party nights for his gentle and filling comfort. He told me he worked also at a call center and lived alone. His father and siblings lived in the province and he'd visit them on the weekends. That worked out fine as I also would go home to the province for the weekend. But I could tell I was falling in love with him. And I'm sure he felt the same.

And perhaps if that had been the routine until I died, I would have known nothing else but happiness. I can feel my tears as they dry telling you this. I thought I was gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier. But actually I'm holding on for dear life and I won't, can't look down.

You see. One weekend I did not go home to the province. Instead, I went with some officemates to a mall on the other side of the city. We had lunch and watched a movie. I wanted to buy a book so when we finished I went down to the bookstore and did not join them at the taxi stand. And it was there, that I saw him. He was going up the escalator as I went down. He was not alone but with a woman and two children.

He either didn't notice me or pretended not to have seen me. So I got off the escalator, turned around and decided to follow them. They were going to a movie. I decided to also buy a ticket. I discreetly followed and sat in the row behind them. I was hoping that it was his sister or his cousin. But as I overheard their conversation, it was his wife and children.

I left in a daze. I went straight to the videoke bar to drown my sorrows. And I kept my glass full until morning light. A cute tambay sat down at my table.

"Bro, you okay? 'cause you look like you need some cheering up." he said.

"I'm just holding on for tonight." I said. I told him my sad story. He just listened intently.  I started to tear up.

"Help me, I'm holding on for dear life." I cried. I won't look down, I won't, can't open my eyes. I continued with my depressing story. All the while, the tambay just listened. I continued to get more and more drunk.

"I keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight." I rambled at one point. The videoke bar was closing and I invited Mr. Tambay back to my place. I'm not exactly sure why. I guess I'll blame it on the Emperador.

We went inside. As soon as the door closed, Tambay stripped off his clothes and began helping me out of mine. The kissing was so passionate. He kept asking me if this was okay. Did I like it? I did. Very much I thought. We made passionate love to each other until dawn. We took a shower together and then cuddled in my bed as the morning light filled the room.

As I was struggling against sleep with small talk, Tambay told me that he didn't have a job and his sad story about the woes of him and his family. Could I help him out he asked. The sun came out.

"Sun is up." I noted to him -- trying to find a way to get him out, to get the world out. But the truth is I'm a mess and I just feel like I gotta get out now. I got to run from this. Here comes the shame, here comes the shame.



  1. I'm not sure why you were so worried about this. That was lovely!

    I don't know why but I'm seeing SN in my head, all the familiar spots seem to fit in well with the story.